found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
