were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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