SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
