if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
