At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
