At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
