So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize