'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
