dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
