How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
