dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
