I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
