Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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