I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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