dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You're so nebulous sometimes
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
