I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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