she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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