I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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