hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
