been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize