we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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