is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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