Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
