well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
