it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
