i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
