I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
