tell your sister to shave her snatch
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
