just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
