i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
