we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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