Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
