Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
