The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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