Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
