Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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