Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
