Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
