I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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