I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
