eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
