The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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