You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize