fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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