I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need help removing her.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
