i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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