I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we're so committed to being not committed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize