i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
