Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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