he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
