i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
