a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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