Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
