I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
