I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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