My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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