my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
