Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
