You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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