STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
