i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize