Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
