Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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