I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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