Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
