a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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