Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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