ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
