This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
