Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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